2/09/2007
Darling was telling me that there's too little happiness... too much anger and hatred in my blog... too much F***... too un-sheena... that it's time that I write something more happy.... LOL! Gimme a few more days bah...
Well... what's the real Sheena anyway? Is Sheena really the kind with million-dollar smiles 24-7? Or is she a cry-baby in front of her bf? Or is she a bitch in disguise? Or is she like a boy trapped in a ger's body? Or she's just a ger who feels kinda insecure about herself and at times she has surge of confidence?... Well, I'm too "flexible" ler... Perhaps I'm really meant for the theatres? Even my bf does get surprises, or rather shocks from me when he cannot cope with the everchanging me. It's like I'm schizo? Well I'm not really into astrology but toking about this aspect of me it's so true! - I'm a Gemini anyway!
Toking about writing about more happy things... hmm... abit tough leh... with so many unhappy things happening recently + mid-terms + pile-up work... I'm getting kinda worn out.... Realised that nowadays I'm shirking responsibilities... really bad of me I know... but then it's like a defence mechanism at work? When I get too overload, I just feel like letting go...
Toking to Bf over the phone... he asked me... if I leave WE, where will I go? I asked myself why am I still in WE? It's for my dear pals... the whole group dynamics we have built so far... my fav conductor... the songs that we have chosen so far... for something to look forward to every week...the hopes for better prospects for the choir! If I leave WE for the other choir, will I get to build this group dynamic as strong as the one I have now? It'll be diff... it's like when I leave NYJC choir that time... Always longing to go back to the past...
Yesterday was really quite upset... but thanks to bf and zally... got me feeling better... and hopefully more focused on the upcoming test this sat. Really didn't feel like telling zally about it... it's like tainting his nice image of choir... but somehow when it comes to toking about WE things, regardless happy or not, really enjoy sharing it with zally! Yesterday zally half-asleep in camp, my sms woke him up... then we tok to each other over the phone... In comparison to him, he's like so objective and neutral and I'm like so biased... LOL! Spent 40 mins on the line with him on his hp! is like omg... but he's real nice, keep insisting that it's okay! he's getting his pay on fri... lalala... haha! Glad that they're there =) ... but then... somehow feeling weird now... Why do I deserve to feel sad... I'm not the victim himself... Jem may need someone there to speak to... but has he found anyone yet? I'm fortunate... I hope he is too... hopefully Kevin is okay too... somehow I dun dare to raise the issue up now... I know I'm only going to make it worse... and perhaps get myself a tight slap in the face and receive back some sarcastic remarks! (ok I warned you that I'm biased right?)
Better get back to studies... OMG... 4 more chapters to go... 1 more day... argh!
i blogged @
12:41 AM
